Self-Portrait/first revision

[mfwilkie]

First revision:

I suffer from a belief in possibilities.
Scratch that. I admit to wild imaginings,
to wearing socks in arguable relationship—
today's chili pepper confronts the crimson tide.

I'll even admit to soothing the blues while birds,
perched on pleached branchings, unwind morning
in languages I haven't yet mastered (though
my enthusiastic stab at Cardinal-speak

has been known to ruffle a few male feathers.
And I like being on the warm side of windows
when the frenzy of snow becomes a study
in Dervish dance techniques one night then

settles itself in a Currier & Ives-eye and mind-full,
fit to print, the next. These are moments
when I weigh life on both sides of the glass.
I've hung the ocean on my ceiling with no fear

of drowning or of time—my hand holds
a long life line.



Original draft:

I suffer from a belief in possibilities.
Scratch that. I'll admit to wild imaginings,
to wearing socks with an arguable relationship—
stacking chili pepper against a crimson tide

before windows that frame the frenzy of snow
one night, and a Currier & Ives eyeful fit to print
the next; I'll even admit to soothing the blues
while birds, perched on pleached branchings,

unwind morning in languages I haven't yet
mastered. (Though I must admit my Cardinal-speak
ruffles a few male feathers.) Peace abounds
in the unfettered voice of earth's quieter sounds.

Those windows? Now, there's where I weigh
both sides of the glass. I've hung the ocean
on my ceiling with no fear of drowning, or of
time—my hand holds a long life line.

[Marion Poirier]

Maggie these are my favorite lines-understandable
at a glance.

I'll even admit
to soothing the blues while birds, perched on
pleached branchings, unwind the morning in

languages I haven't yet mastered. (Though I
must admit my Cardinal-speak has ruffled a
few male feathers.) There's peace to be found
in those quiet sounds, the earth's unfettered voice.

The rest I will have to contemplate; the
specific meaning is always in the author's mind-it can
mean many things to many people according to the
way your mind is wired and personal experience.
I often don't understand your poems,
nor the poems of others.
If I can offer anything cohesive, I
I'll be back; this is an excellent poem -
now, let me ponder its meaning=
maybe it is what it is - no doubt-but that too can be
interpreted in so many ways.

Warm regards.
I'll PM later when I can pull my thoughts together.

Marion

[Marion Poirier]

Maggie, great opening line. I can get through the first
stanza as a metaphor. What is a Currier and Ives eye?

In the last line would you consider aphrodisiac rather
than Spanish Fly? I've heard of it--but not in maybe
40 years.
I get the point that you are high on life.
I always say that if I wake up in the morning,
it's a gift.
That's my interpretation of that segment-
more or less- could be wrong.
I don't think we need to understand poetry
only to enjoy it. Who knows what lurks in
the mind of the poet? lol!

Yt,
Marion

[Marion Poirier]

Maggie, I like the revision.
It's much tighter and basically says the same
thing - more concise and poetic language.

Marion

[mfwilkie]

It's coming along, Marion.

Thanks for the look.

Maggie

[Marion Poirier]

Maggie, I forgot to mention how much I like this line-
stacking chili pepper against a crimson tide
Great image!

Marion

[LynnDoiron]

I very much like your revised end line. The Spanish Fly had a negative/trickery connotation to me -- glad to see it gone. And the play on holding a long life line "My hand holds" gives me the notion of a physical line held that will never allow you to drown.

I do wish you would leave your previous drafts up for comparison . . . it helps folks, like me, still learning how to trim and tighten and change . . .