So. Be. (ver 2)

[LeoVictorBriones (poetremains)]

If the future is woven
in a worn silk rug
spun thousands of years
before Nebuchadnezzar's reign—
then let the snail
leave its wake in the Spring garden;
let the hawk slice
through sky and to dirt,
so the mouse may assuage his hunger;
let the pebble roll into the lake
and spin and spin as though there is no time
and perchance no end like bitter persimmon.

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

If the future is woven
in a worn silk rug
spun thousands of years
before Nebakanezer reign(ed)—

then let the snail leave its wake
in the Spring garden,
let the hawk slice through the sky, (no comma)
so the mouse may assuage his hunger(comma here and should be its hunger)
let the pebble roll into the lake
and spin and spin as though there is not time (think I would create a pause here as well)

and perchance no bitter end.

[purplejacket]

Hmm, I've never seen this spelling, but upon googling it, it seems legit.
Perhaps you can educate me, is this the same guy as Nebuchadnezzar?

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Leo, I like this quite a bit, but I was a bit disappointed by the coupling of "bitter" and "end". Maybe a new adjective to alleviate the cliche?

[Sherry Thrasher]

If the future is woven
in a worn silk rug
spun thousands of years
before Nebakanezer's reign—
then let the snail leave its wake
in the Spring garden,
let the hawk slice the sky,
so the mouse may assuage his hunger
let the pebble roll into the lake
and spin and spin as though there is no time
and perchance no bitter end.

[Sherry Thrasher]

BTW, I failed to say that I like this poem lots.

[Marion Poirier]

Leo, The title is rather vague. Do you mean? So be it.
Philosophical poem though you could say the same
thing in half the lines and it would be more poweful.
Yes, bitter end -- not original.

Some more work and you'd have a gem.
M

p.s. all those lets should be separated by semi-colons
as they are sentences that can stand alone -
some free expert advice. lol