"A Simple Text "

[GD Martin]

"A Simple Text"

(by GDMartin)


A simple text, this bit I tell,
spun from a fork I stood beside--
one dusty road I stumbled down,
one other toward a waiting bride.

If I had tripped back toward your way,
could I have quelled your hungry heart,
and spared myself the sad regrets
of these past years we've lived apart?

Yet, though the time of youth I gave
to someone else has gone, I find
your photo on MySpace dot com,
a hidden place revealed online.

I've owed to you, at least, "farewell"
in cordial diction, face-to-face;
instead, I reasoned not to stay,
then left for my unchartered chase.

"TOO LATE", the caption of this blog,
my spirit wears the fallen sky.
A simple text, I send to you:

"I wish you well, my love...

Goodbye."

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Nice piece, G.D.

My only qualm is with S3 L4, which doesn't flow quite as well, and uses a half-rhyme whereas all of the others were true rhymes. I may be back with some thoughts in that stanza, iffen you don't mind.

[mfwilkie]

I've got qualms, Gary.

Here are a few nits: I'm finding lines written to fit end rhymes and not intent, not letting the piece write itself first.

If I had tripped the other way,
could/would? I had haveheld your beauty there

Is held the right word?

if I'd not known the sad regrets

This last line seems old scool language.
in years I've lived, now to compare?

Despite the I'm all used up, the youth I gave
to someone else is gone, I find

I know what youre trying to say, but it's not working.

Maggie

[Sherry Thrasher]

OK, forgive my meddling. My two cents are littering your work again. Hello, btw. Fun, fun, fun. You should have tried match.com. ;D



"A Simple Blog"

(by GD Martin)


A simple blog, this bit I tell,
about a fork I stood beside,
the dusty road I stumbled down,
the other toward my waiting bride.

If I had swayed the other way,
could I have held your beauty there
if I'd not known the sad regrets
of years I've lived, now to compare?

Despite the years of youth I gave
to someone else now gone, I find
your photo on myspace.com,
each hidden thought revealed online.

I owe to you, at least, "farewell"
in cordial diction, face-to-face;
instead, I reason not to speak
and type in my uncensored haste,

"TOO LATE", the caption in bold type,
my spirit wrapped in fallen sky.
An instant message texted to you,

"I wish you well, my love...

Goodbye."

[GD Martin]

Thank You All. I appreciate every one of you. _GD

[Sherry Thrasher]

Hey, Gary! (AKA GDMartin) Thanks for the clarification in your pm. I'm just getting back to you. I always (yes, always) enjoy your poetry but I only see one problem with it and that is that you just don't post often enough. OK, so I am calling the kettle black.

I think my one concern in this is that a blog is an on going communication and so in this instance you would probably be simply sending a message. This could only be me as it has not been addressed.

Regardless, much enjoyed as previously mentioned.

Sherry

[GD Martin]

Well, I'll be dipped! Thank you, Sherry, for pointing the "blog" thing out. I'm new to some of this Cyberworld jargon. Now I have to find a one-syllable word for something that ALMOST means "blog"! Actually, I did send one message to her, already, that she didn't answer. That could ALMOST be ongoing (which could be my loophole)! UNFORTUNATELY, though, after I had sent the short, one-line greeting to her, she, not only didn't answer me, but she removed her photo from her site, and changed the privacy level, to where one has to subscribe to her blog, and then be accepted. I felt like the cowboy on horseback, who just got released from prison, and then came riding back into Dodge city (a mid 1800's scenario), and all the townspeople whisked their curtains shut! I guess she thought I was going to "Cyber Stalk" her. There's a 101% chance I won't be sending her my poem. As a matter-of-fact, I'm even more sure than that. _Gary

[Sherry Thrasher]

Ouch, that stings like a whippin' from a thorny lasso, cowboy! Funny, I was also thinking about an internet poem (dot-conned) and have posted it in the study hall. Forgive, the "F" word usage but it was said and shocking at that long ago time. I weathered that ride and arrived present day a little less naieve.

I'll ponder your poetic perdicament of a one syllabled word. I just couldn't leave you hanging in a noose of embarassment. You should (not) write a reply to your cyber-stalker idea. The last time your poetry inspired me like this I found myself a green-eyed, raven- haired, sailor hubby. This time...it could be scary should we invent a ruthless, quick typing, villan named Cyber-Bundy.

Sherry

[GD Martin]

Mrs. Sherry Thrasher,
Now you have got me curious. I am going to have to jump the fence, over into the study hall pasture to take a gander at the garden you grew there. If you were a collaborator with a cartoonist, I think I could find your creation of the villain, Cyber Bundy, very hilarious in a Monty Python sort of way. I think you are a funny and creative gal. I still think I would like to see our Silent Sea series as five framed pictures of the sea, all grouped together on the wall in your future cafe, that I imagined someday you and Michael are, in my vision, going to own ( or at least in your cook book).

As for the "blog" substitute, I think "note" could work, but "blog" is still much more interesting. I can use "pretend-creative license", almost like the author of "Chariot Of The Gods", and it could be our little secret. _Gary

[Sherry Thrasher]

Michael asked me to pull the poem off as it thinks it will tarnish my wholesome image. Actually, I am working on children's poetry now and he is probably right. Anyway, I think I tarnished that image long ago. I've pm'd it to a couple here and will do the same for you. Please forgive me in advance. I'm going back to my corner now.

Sherry