|
|
Post by Sherry Thrasher on Apr 25, 2008 11:22:26 GMT -5
(Revised)
Here I am
sitting where
I've always
been,
wondering
when I left.
Here I am
sitting where I’ve always been,
wondering when I left.
|
|
|
|
Post by LynnDoiron on Apr 25, 2008 13:15:14 GMT -5
I. Love. This.
So much in so few words. I identify in ways I can't even begin to express.
lynn
|
|
|
|
Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on May 3, 2008 21:14:32 GMT -5
I think the work hits like a very subtle brick, and both versions work well for me. I even like it with both versions included as the poem, a repetition, an echo. I just plain like it. Ron
|
|
|
|
Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on May 4, 2008 12:56:07 GMT -5
A poignant reverie, Sherry. These few words leave one much to contemplate. Beauty in simplicity....
|
|
|
|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 4, 2008 14:25:24 GMT -5
Sherry, so short, so concise, so poignant...so perfect. Bravo.
D-Ber
|
|
|
|
Post by purplejacket on May 4, 2008 19:16:08 GMT -5
sorry to be the lone one sans kudos, but it doesn't do anything for me.
|
|
|
|
Post by mfwilkie on May 5, 2008 0:49:35 GMT -5
Sher,
Have read this a number of times, and I have to agree with Mandy the way its written, it's not all that clear.
Are you trying to say something like:
(My) feet took me away,
but I really never left
the front porch.
or
Back, and wondering
why I ever left.
Mags
|
|
|
|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 5, 2008 8:58:12 GMT -5
Mags, why can't it be both? I think this is one of those pieces that hits the reader wherever they need to be hit.
|
|
|
|
Post by Sherry Thrasher on May 5, 2008 10:15:17 GMT -5
My thought was not a physical leaving at all but more of an emotional one. I suppose a moment of epiphany when contrasting expectation and reality.
|
|
|
|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 5, 2008 10:19:32 GMT -5
That's along the lines of how I took it, Sherry, almost like a marriage that has gone on and one of the parties realizing that it ended for them a long time before that.
|
|
|
|
Post by LynnDoiron on May 5, 2008 11:13:28 GMT -5
Just reread this, read all the comments, reread the poem again and still find it extraordinary; still impacts me, [how did ron put it?] like a subtle brick. I think changes might take away that quiet meaning that is a gut punch to those who've been there, done that.
|
|
|
|
Post by David Nelson Bradsher on May 5, 2008 11:24:46 GMT -5
I agree with Lynn, Sherry. Count my vote for the original (which I guess would be the first revision).  |
|
|
|
Post by Sherry Thrasher on May 5, 2008 11:59:46 GMT -5
I think going back to school is stirring many emotions. I have wanted to finish my degree for some time now and returning to the halls that I have walked for almost thirty years does bring much contemplation about life and the paths that I have chosen. Funny, sometimes life does show us that we are exactly where we are meant to be and I am now finding myself content
and in full circle. This is a good time in my life.
Thanks you all for your comments. I do look forward to writing again (and it seems that I will be doing alot of it). You are all such great friends and I am thankful for each of you.
Sherry
|
|
|
|
Post by mfwilkie on May 5, 2008 14:52:38 GMT -5
When I first read Sher's draft, my muse chirped 'why' for 'when'; reading her explanation tells me more about intent than the draft does.
Maggie
|
|
