Not Anything Like Serendipity

[mfwilkie]

My ears hurt, muh cara!

First draft:


The chair's bamboo. Intricate. Feminine.
A sound design of Filipino tree-
bones who've evolved, become a table
at my bedside, fitted with tempered glass
across a caned, contrasting lap
I've set/put a lamp on. Ask me why
I brought her home I can't say more
than she appealed to me. To me,
who can't stand prissy in any form
we women force—it was a dress,
an eighth grade-opening day fiasco
meant for Easter. Not for recess.

Unknowns: won and lost in power
plays. My muse wants me to celebrate.


First revision:


The chair's bamboo, intricate, feminine—
a sound design of Filipino tree-
bones re-thought—she's used as a table
by my bed, fitted with tempered glass
across her caned, contrasting lap
to hold a lamp. Ask me why
I brought her home I can't say more
than she appealed to me. To me,
who can't stand the prissy poses
we women force. It was a dress,
an eighth grade-opening day fiasco
meant for Easter, not for recess.

Unknowns are won and lost in power
plays I might explore one day.




And thanks for the conversation today;
it moved some things out of the way.

Red

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Mags-

Some changes for you.

The chair's bamboo. Well-crafted. Feminine.
A sound design of Filipino tree-
bones who've evolved, become a table
at my bedside, fitted with tempered glass
across a caned, contrasting lap
I've set a lamp on. Ask me why
I brought her home. I can't say more
than she appealed to me. To me,
who can't stand prissy, shown in any form,
we women force—it was a dress,
an eighth grade-opening day fiasco
reserved for Easter. Not for recess.

Unknowns: we won and lost in power
play moves. My muse wants me to celebrate.

[mfwilkie]

D,

I kept intricate because 'well-crafted' means the same as sound design. And this chair is all that.

Thanks for the look-see.

Here's the latest revision. Read this to Lynn tonight and she gave me a good suggestion that led to another revision.

Mags



The chair's bamboo, intricate, feminine—
a sound design of Filipino tree-
bones re-thought. Fitted with tempered
glass across her caned, contrasting
lap to hold a lamp by my bed.
Ask me why I brought her home
I can't say more than she appealed
to me. To me, who can't stand
the prissy poses we women force—
from way way back. It was a dress,
an eighth grade-opening day fiasco
meant for Easter, not for recess.

Unknowns are won and lost in power
plays I might explore one day.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

I like it losts, Mags. Sorry I didn't get to call you back yesterday. I'm in the office now.