Highland's North Field {More Major Tweaking}

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Highland’s North Field


In days when boys walked,
a railroad twisted out of Kansas, and dropped
across Oklahoma into Texas
on crossties and tracks
          passing graveyard stones standing
beneath shading limbs of uncompromising oaks
near six unmarked graves in a row.

Before they tore out the iron-railed ties,
we walked on rust, throwing rocks
at antique glass insulators atop rotting highline poles
          and wandered into the Highland Cemetery
to read tall Woodmen of the World markers, bearing
names and dates that turned
a new century into these burying grounds
          with Rebel soldiers who outlived Appomattox,
Lee and the Confederacy.

Steel track and telegraph wires have disappeared,
but six unmarked graves still lie in a row,
and the dead don’t seem to miss a train whistle’s cry
          or maybe they just understand
cattle pastures, pecan trees and railroad banks
all evolve over time
into front lawns and golf course greens
when progress begins its slow urban sprawl.

No iron spikes can hold the past in its place;
not a railbed rock remains,
          just six unmarked graves in a row
lying out here on the forgotten edge
of an old cemetery
                    and sleepers that only I know.

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Ron, I'm fully immersed, brother. I'll have to come back to do any good, but right now I'll just gush and then hush.

[MichaelFirewalker]

you are shaman, my brother, keeper of the memories, a safe repository for forgotten lives, and you understand that----what a blessing you are----the fact of you makes me feel better, brings some sense of order and peace into this egoistic chaos we call civilization----this poem is a tribute to souls who likely already have been reincarnated once or even twice since those times----but it is good to remember who they were then, for we carry the past with us, and it should not be forgotten, because it illuminates our walk today...

I would like to read "on cross-ties and tracks" on the same line with Texas, not below it----otherwise no nits----like it as it is...


michael

[Jo Lynn Ehnes]

wow, very well done, my darlin. Held this reader's attention that was for sure. Think the only thing I would suggest is line breaking before No iron spikes. Mesmerizing.

[storyweaver]

I agree with JL very mesmerizing.

Just a thought, it may change you intention but perhaps drop the and in the closing line:

No iron spikes can hold the past in its place;
not a railbed rock remains,
just six unmarked graves;
sleepers that only I know.

Ignore me if I am off.

Love the poem
G.

[Tina (Firefly)]

When I read your work, Ron, I am always brought to the landscape. I see it with you. I feel it, even the quality of the air; even the scent of the leaves. (beneath the shading limbs of uncompromisng oaks. You are a POET, Ron, but so much more. You are a STORYTELLER, A KEEPER OF MEMORY, and so much much more.
This line alone could be the opening for a novel: In days when boys walked, a railroad twisted out of Kansas.." This piece, and many of your poems, put me in an altered space where my spirit secretly lives another life. I am transported. "but the dead don't miss a train whistle's cry. Ron, I know these sleepers too......their relatives are in SC, GA, TN, NC,VA and in, perhaps, more places unknown than known.. This is a BRAVO. Love, Tina

[johnnysaturn]

Loving evocation of place and time beautifully achieved.

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

"No iron spikes can hold the past in its place.." would have been enough for this reader. As a bonus, I got the whole poem.

Very strong, Ron. Second stanza seemed to be a sentence that was too long, but I realized, it couldn't have been otherwise.

"a new century past into these burying grounds
(holding) with Rebel soldiers who outlived Appomatox.."

Seems like that line needed something more than just "with" what do you think?

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I thought about dropping Lee and the Confederacy at the end of stanza two, but I like the way it reads aloud with that line and I want it to denote they lived well past the end of the Civil War. Anyway I really appreciate the reads and the suggestions. Ron

[mfwilkie]

Ron,

A few thoughts:

I'll trade you the 'ing' in the second line for one in the third. ;D

Six unmarked graves in a row
lie beneath shadeing limbs of uncompromising oaks.

In days when boys grew up walking,


a railroad twisted out of Kansas, crossed/ing overOklahoma straight into Texas
on crossties and tracks *

*Here it might be nice to know on who built the railroad,
maybe ending with a full stop.

And expanding this next section with a clearer image.

passing graveyard stones
near the grass-covered plots.

I like what you're saying here, Cowboy, but it sprawls a bit too much for me.

Mags

[Ken_Nye]

missed this one, Ron. I agreee with JoLynne. Wow. I'll agree with everyone. Just wonderfull writinig.

Ken

[David Nelson Bradsher]

Still love it, Ron.

[Sherry Thrasher]

I'll be back for a proper review. I've read this several times and your work is so good. Do you remember the circular church and looking at those old markers with Lynn, Michael and I? I remember then how surreal it was being there with you after reading your civil war pieces. I would like a copy of your new book please. Please pm specifics to me.


Thank you for your kind January southern belle comment on my birthday thread as well as saying that I still look like a little girl.
That helps at forty five.

Sherry

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

I think I'm getting this close to where I want it; thanks to all of you for the kind reviews and the excellent ideas. I like the idea of the new opening and I get to keep the voice and images I like as well.
Sherry when we were walking in that cemetery, I may have started forming the seeds for this poem. It reminded me then of the times I wandered the local cemeteries here as a boy, intrigued by the names and dates. Ron

[ramadevi]

Hvae read this a number of times and really like the changes you've made. Did not get a chance to review properly because of timing errors I've been experiencing with this site (and one other0. Not sure why it happens, didn't used to. Hopefully this response will post before i lose the connection.
But maybe my memory is faulty. I know i have written a review for this the other day, but perhaps i posted it on the OMC site...

Oh well, regardless, the changes are very fine! And the poem sings with your unique voice which I love and enjoy~

[LynnDoiron]

Hi friend. You know I love this poem already. So just ignore these thoughts: I think the opening would read cleaner if it just dealt with the tracks twisting down through the states; let the boys walk when they walk in the stanza after. The only other thing for me was that when I came to the second "in a row" it bothered me; it felt like a repeat out of not trying to sort around for another way to put it. When I came to the last "in a row" I saw the plan more clearly, the repetition worked better for me. But, but I'm just not absolutely convinced that you need those i"n a row" repeats. I'm probably completely alone on this, but they seem more poetics than organic to the voice of the piece. Okay friend. That be all. It's a stunner as is. Lynn

[sandpiper]

I missed this one. How happy I am that I found it.
Wonderful job! I really had to search for anything to critique on this one, and the only thing I'd look at again would be the "ing's" in lines 5 and 6. Those two lines just didn't flow as well for me as the rest, and the rest is exceptional.
maybe even just changing one of them. "standing" to "that stood", for instance. to break it up...
-piper

[mfwilkie]

Cowboy,

I'm still having a nit with:

In days when boys walked,

My thinking is this: boys walk, they've always walked, so the first line isn't reaching out to me as anything spectacular.

Didn't the Giants deserve their win?

Mags

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

Maybe it's a regional thing, Maggie Darlin', but at least around here, boys don't walk anymore. They're driven or they drive. I want to reference a time when every boy walked everywhere he went. I may be missing it, but I'll keep thinking.
There was an Okie on the Patriots so guess who I was rooting for, very quietly in the background. Ron