Dancing on Egg Shells

[Jarlsbane - Michael Ray Cotner]

six eggs for a Sunday brunch
and here we sit
forks stabbing
a single shared plate
vieing for the larger portion

the silent duel echoing
battles of the night before

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

I like the title, Jarls.
Since nothing else is capped, I'd use a small "s" for sunday.

Here is my 2 cents.....

six eggs for a sunday brunch
and here we sit
forks stabbing {at}
a single shared plate
vieing for the larger portion

the silent duel echoing
battles of the night before
last night's battle

Consider or ignore. I felt it tightened things a bit. Nice metaphoric piece. Hope you're well............

[alfredo]

Liked it, thanks .............few words but enough for a book...the essence of poetry?

[mfwilkie]

six eggs for a Sunday brunch—
and here we sit
forks stabbing
single shared (at) a meager plate

jarls,

In the next line, is it really the larger portion or something else the forks are jabbing for?

I'm going to insert a word for 'the larger portion' to show you what I mean. It won't be the right one, but you'll get my drift.

vieing for dominance or I was right or you were wrong

And you might change this around a bit for tone and tension and tightening the piece.

the silent duel echoing
battles of the night before

dueling silence
from the night before

six eggs for sunday brunch—
forks jabbing
at a meager plate
vieing for dominance:

dueling silence
from the night before



Maggie

[LynnDoiron]

I like "dueling silence" -- like the whole poem, but did find a bump in my liking in those final lines. Before finding mag's suggestion, I had: a duet of silence / echoes from the night before. But I think mine swerves off the combatative tone you have going.

Whatever your choices -- enjoyed the original read.

[mfwilkie]

Forgive the brain phart, Jarls, I forgot to move vieing for dominance and change jabbing to jab.

six eggs for sunday brunch—
vieing for dominance,
forks jab
at a meager plate
dueling silence
from the night before

Maggie