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Post by David Nelson Bradsher on Jan 23, 2008 17:40:36 GMT -5
The passersby, oblivious to him, were rushing home to families and fires as he observed the winter gloaming dim and fade into a February night. He watched the bustling crowd; the grocery buyers, executives convening for a bite,
and he remembered doing much the same before he lost it all to something they'd interpret in a way that they could blame the man instead of tragic circumstance. He thrust the coffee can, and asked for aid, thinking of comrades and a beach in France
so many years ago. That scene was still alive within him, freighting nothing but the past, and the remembrance of a kill that carried far beyond the current plane of his existence. Shrapnel in his gut was precious metal, and the daily pain
was his reminder of the sixty years (or more) that had elapsed since he was merely a frightened boy, still wet behind the ears, waiting to wade into a storm of lead from German guns that still resounded clearly inside the tangled cobwebs of his head.
Each coin that dropped into his coffee can was like the orchestra of ricochets around him on the beach, where every man expected nothing but his own demise. He had survived, though, to complete his days collecting coins, and scorn from narrow eyes.
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Post by mfwilkie on Jan 24, 2008 0:01:29 GMT -5
Had time for just a quick read, D.
Nice, and what's below is oh so very nice.
'Each coin that dropped into his coffee can was like the orchestra of ricochets around him on the beach, where every man expected nothing but his own demise.'
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Post by Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47 on Jan 24, 2008 8:53:20 GMT -5
Totally agree with Maggie regarding that quatrain....Nice ability to transform and pinpoint the action, appealing to the ear.
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Post by MichaelFirewalker on Jan 24, 2008 16:26:05 GMT -5
I never get enough of your writing, you know----and that's amazing 'cause I hate formal verse!----it doesn't seem formal when it's yours, and this poem hits home for us today too----but we don't have many boys coming home like that, because as soon as their tours are over they send them right back in to fight some more----eventually, we will see them among us, all broken and lost----sick...
michael
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Post by Ron Wallace (Scotshawk) on Jan 27, 2008 12:33:37 GMT -5
Bradsher, the modern voice of Longfellow, (not that you sound like him, but that you hold his spirit) fine work, my friend. Ron
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