Figure of Speech

[Jonathan Morey Weiss-Namaste47]

When I open my mouth to speak-
two lips form the boundaries

through which air currents course,
birthed by vocal cord vibrations;

laryngeal tremors erupting from
somewhere in the bowels of the brain.

First, the thought descends
then the sound rebounds.

Actions speak louder than words.

[wavemaker9 (Rick D.)]

I get it, all the vocal training we do, goes to know a cord.
Clever Jon

[MichaelFirewalker]

I get it too...it's a cerebral orgasm...right, Rick?

michael

[Ron Wallace (Scotshawk)]

At first I thought about axing some of the "the's", Jon, but the read aloud really has a fine rhythm so I reconsider that idea. Nice work, Brother. Ron

[Tina (Firefly)]

I like this a whole lot, J. Each time I read it (especially out loud) I liked it even more. The couplets work so well here, and your last line, of course, reaches the intention. Oddly enough (and I admit to some oddness on occasion) it is the opening line which I think can be improved. It sounds a bit cliche, maybe even contrived. I realize that you need to set up the piece by saying something sort of like this, but it just wouldn't entice me to read the rest of it as it is. (Okay, I DID read the rest of it, of course, but maybe you get my drift? I probably seem to be babbling, but, that goes along with "odd", doesn't it?) Anyway, you are THE man, and whatever suits you will, in the end, suit me too. T.

[ramadevi]

Very nice work. the opening line is totally fine.
You ARE the well-suited poet-man!

[mfwilkie]

I think it's paced nicely, too, jon, and the opening line works to set that up.

Nice.


Maggie

[MichaelFirewalker]

oh well, seems our knowledge of the physiology of the neural network of the human brain intertwined with that of the human body is quite limited----you are describing a brain orgasm, jon, physiologically speaking----and also, metaphysically speaking...

you open your mouth...two lips the boundaries for the eruption of the air currents passing your vocal chords, having been stimulated into doing so by the thought that erupted into your brain from only Godde knows where, and then erupting orgasmically from your brain down to the muscles of your chest, which, when relaxed into exhalation, allow the glorious air to erupt orgasmically from your lips...voila, a breath!

everything in life is orgasmic, when you bother to think it through----the physiology of the human body is pan-orgasmic----everything it does is an eruption celebrating life, birthing it, relishing it, second by second by second----behold the marvelous, erotic machines that we are!

amen,
michael